Salad – Or how to be Outdone by a Rabbit

Yesterday, I replied to a blog I read regularly, and this led to a question for me. So, Narcissist, here is the answer.

I love to eat. You wouldn’t know it to look at me, but I’m constantly stuffing some form of food down my gullet. I’m not exercising as much as I used to either but still remotely resemble a pale, slightly short, Ethiopian marathon runner. It’s a curse, I suppose. One of the many curses I am saddled with. I also appreciate a healthy appetite in others as well. There is nothing wrong with wanting to eat. Cleaning your plate after a meal is a compliment; what chef wants to see the plates returning to the kitchen with half of the contents still on it? Failure to eat, especially if I’m paying for it, doesn’t just baffle me, it kind of, well… 

…The oddest things seem to get under my skin. I don’t get too mad, don’t blow my top or anything like that, but I do get a little irritable. I’m probably not as obscure as I believe I am in this regard either. But, since this is my blog, I will tell you what gets under my skin like it only gets under my skin. It doesn’t happen a lot mind you, but when it does… 

When I used to date (don’t ask) I had no objections to picking up the cheque. (Notice the British spelling!) And, just so you ladies don’t get worried – picking up the cheque does not mean I think the girl owes me anything. Seriously, how can people think that? If you co-sign a bank loan for her and she defaults on it – she owes you something. You buy her dinner – the only thing she owes you is her company until you’ve picked up the cheque. It’s not that difficult to understand is it? Besides, my grandmother would kill me if I thought any other way. And this is a lady with 12 children so you know what she liked to do! 

So, back to dating. I take this girl for dinner, order some drinks, peruse the menu, find out what she wants and I order for her. I was told that ordering for her is a good thing. Some women see it as a turn-on. The ones who call you sexist for holding a door for them probably won’t like it though. And I give her free range on the menu as well. She can order anything she wants; even if it is overpriced. I have no objections to paying more than $15 for a house salad if that is what she wants.

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What I do have an objection to is the girl taking two, yes I said two, forkfuls of salad, pushing the plate away and proclaiming herself to be full. Seriously, this happened. All subtle innuendo and casual flirting before the meal arrived had been smacked away like a red-headed stepchild. The look on her face, one that said “if I take another bite I might have to die of obesity or guilt because kids are starving in some foreign country” (a country she probably couldn’t name either) did little to stem the build-up inside me. And it wasn’t acid reflux either. And don’t bother getting it boxed up to eat the rest of the week! Grrrr. Are you shitting me? Two bites of salad and you’re full. My old rabbit ate more roughage than that at a sitting. The tiny microorganisms crawling all over the produce at your local supermarket are eating more than two bites of salad at a time. And here she is, big smile and fake tan, pushing away her plate, sighing like she’s just gorged on two pig carcasses, half a cow, and a side order of ribs that would topple Fred Flintstone’s car. I’m waiting for her to unbutton her jeans, loosen her belt, and let out a caveman type belch to signal her pride in the feast.

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Okay, I hear the defenders of this young lady say she wanted to give a great impression – apparently the impression of a girl who eats is a bad one. I’m all for not ordering pasta on the first date because it’s messy or has too much garlic, but seriously, eat a little more than the average house pet. Order something you have to eat with your fingers. I, and perhaps most men with a little bit of intelligence, will see it as a sign. If I see you licking your fingers before the end of dinner, and you know I’m going to watch, I’ll know that you’re comfortable and don’t find me utterly repulsive. 

Maybe I’m in the minority. Maybe men like girls who don’t eat and stay bony, errr, thin. Maybe the man who likes a woman with curves, or at least capable of eating a two-piece meal from Kentucky Fried Chicken (not that I’m saying I’d eat that – way too much grease – but you get my point), is a rarity. Maybe having an appetite when you’re taken out for dinner isn’t such a bad thing. And don’t tell me you don’t think like that either. You’ll put on your sexiest pair of panties when you know you’re taking off your clothes with your new man later. Don’t pretend that you’ll stuff yourself all day because “you forgot” you’re going out for dinner later. Maybe I’m off my rocker. Would somebody let me know? 

Surely we have moved on from the waifish look? Surely girls, or at least the smart ones, know that they don’t have to look like they are in Hollywood to be considered sexy? If they don’t; Hollywood sucks for denying me the right to look at curves on a woman. Curves are sexy. 

That’s it really. That, above all else, really really really irks me. And it’s not about the money. I’ve spent $15 on far more foolish things than two bites of lettuce with a little balsamic vinegar thrown in for flavour. It’s about… I don’t know what it’s about. It just irks me. But then again, I’m not quite normal. 

Cheers,

Ger

 

63 thoughts on “Salad – Or how to be Outdone by a Rabbit

  1. Laughing, with you. I hear and I concur with much of what you espouse, We’re all entitled to have ‘things’ that irk us and to put them ‘out there’ for… I don’t know.

    What’s normal? 🙂

  2. There are things I don’t eat in public – burgers, ribs, big old burritos – because I’m in shambles every time I try to put anything in my mouth and end up wearing it. But I don’t get girls who refuse to enjoy a nice meal now and then. Life’s too short to eat rabbit food exclusively. 😉

    • I concur. But I once ate a whole black forest cake withough utensils at a pub once. That was epic. Believe it or not, I actually got a phone number because of it. lol.

  3. OK, leaving that salad after two bites is a sin actually according to me. Ask me , who had to live on that food for a month because I am a vegetarian and that is the best meal I could have other than Veg Paella in Spain. You should not have put that picture of the salad. God! I am hungry now and I just had my breakfast.
    With respect to food, I don’t like anyone wasting their food.

    • Salad, steak, fries, whatever. Surely even the tiniest person can eat more than two bites.
      I myself, don’t think I could ever be a vegetarian; although I have cooked meals for vegetarians and respect their desire to be so.

      • My way of seeing it – Society has got to those girls, they have fallen into stereotypes, which makes you wonder what else they are easily susceptible too. Or what is attractive about minds like that. But then again that is a generalisation and I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover! At least that is why it bugs me.

      • Perhaps it is societal. I’m not a huge fan of Jennifer Lopez, but I do like that she is proud of the curves she has. And Jennifer Lawrence is just cool; and she’s what I would call a real woman.
        Men are less likely to fall into the trap but some do. Some believe everything they see and hear about fitness and whatnot. That’s why we have so many of these stupid fad diets.

  4. If I went on a date with a guy who was turned off by me eating a real meal, that’d be a dealbreaker. If he can’t recognize that I’m a human who needs food too, I don’t want him anyway.

  5. Why is it whenever I come to your blog I end up feeling hungry?! I am mildly obsessed with food, but I hope in a good way. I suppose more of a passion than obsession, maybe. I have a metabolism which works at the speed of light so I need to eat well, all the time. I try to avoid junk food but I don’t deny myself if I fancy something naughty. I’m just going to shut up now, I could talk about food all day…

    • I have a super fast metabolism as well. My sisters hate me for it. But secretly they’re just jealous.
      I am a foodie as well.
      And I’d rather you get hungry when visiting my blog than repulsed. I’ll take that any day of the week.

      • It is a good job we don’t live near enough to go to dinner together – imagine the bill!

        I’m starving now! Never repulsed, how could I be? Oh my I need a steak

      • I can’t remember the last time I bought a pair of shoes but there is always a lovely steak in my fridge. Oh, and some nice wine, too. Not always in the fridge, obviously.

      • Last pair of shoes I bought were golf shoes in March. Cooked a steak a couple of nights ago. Always have wine in my fridge or the wine rack.

      • I’m lousy. I’m a 27. But I love it. I just can’t manage to have all facets of the game working at the same time. Some days I drive well but can’t putt. Other days I can’t hit an iron to save my life but the putting works. I guess that’s why I’m a 27. lol

      • I don’t even have a handicap, so don’t feel bad! I’m useless at golf but I like to play all the same. There is a driving range right near my house, it is a good way to let off steam. And… build up an appetite!

      • Truth be known, the courses in Dubai are all too good for me to play on really. And it is expensive here. I golf with work though so I get it for much cheaper. But I enjoy it. It’s always been a way to just get outdoors and share laughs with friends.

      • That’s it, being outside and socialising – who cares about the game?! There is nothing better than having a laugh and enjoying yourself.

      • The two guys I golf with from work are exactly the same. One of them is very good but he cracks jokes all the day and just enjoys the day out. I like that.

      • Definitely. I should think about what I want to cook for dinner tonight

      • I had salmon the other night. Perhaps lamb. Sausage and mash sounds good too though. Hmmm

      • Lamb, lovely – I picked up two lovely lamb steaks yesterday evening. Sausage and mash – with onion gravy – not sophisticated but a winner every time!

      • I had lamb chops I grilled with cherry tomatoes, mash potatoes, and some steamed veggies

      • Now that sounds lovely. I just came back from Waitrose’s and picked up some pork and leek sausages. Might have those for dinner on Tuesday night.

      • Lovely. I miss my mum’s roasts. I’m off to an iftar dinner with my work group tonight. This is the traditional meal to break a fast during Ramadan. Not sure what items will be available but they say it is an International buffet. Some have roast beef.

      • Didn’t sleep well because of it. lol. But I got to try camel kofta, which was really good. And the chicken curry was particularly flavourful.

  6. I think the proper way for her to have responded to your asking her out to dinner (which I’m figuring you did), would have been to say something along the lines of “No thank you, I don’t eat.” (Then the two you could have come up with Plan B.)

    • That would have been thoughtful, Writerinsoul. And yes, I did ask her for dinner. Well, I said coffee, dinner, drinks. She opted for the dinner option. Weird.

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