I really think I should stay off Facebook and other forms of social media for a while. My tolerance levels for what I like to call, umm, pardon the expression, perpetual fucktardness, is rapidly lowering. I’m a pretty patient guy. Living in the Middle East has only heightened my ability to brush things off and remain in a Zen-like state of “I have no idea what you are doing because the actions of someone as minutiae as you has no bearing on my chakras, my soul, or even my ability to get a boner when I watch old VHS versions of Jane Fonda’s workouts”. But I’m getting off topic here.
I am all for the right for free speech. As long as you’re not promoting hate, please, share your opinions with the world. But please, if you’re typing out these opinions, can you make sure you at least spell things correctly? Nothing worse than seeing me giving myself a giant face-palm (apparently the cool kids do this when the not-so-cool kids try to be cool or make other mistakes) on your behalf because you wish the Ukraine and Rusha (I saw this, ladies and gentleman) would finally settle their differences. I hate to tell you this, but what you are wishing for will never happen. Rusha is not a country. Russia is.
And let’s not even begin to start with the time honored butchering of there, they’re, and their; naturally followed closely by its and it’s; and of course, to, too, and two. Seriously, you have no idea how much this annoys me. I’m trying to keep this on a road as high as I can. It would be very easy for me to drift off into a place of profanities. I like to call it my happy place. It’s a place where apostrophes are used correctly, where you can drink orange juice immediately after brushing your teeth, where boobies taste like unicorn kisses (I’m guessing), and Nicholas Cage has to give his Oscar back.
It bugs me so much because I have been told at least once a week for as long as I can remember, and definitely since I’ve worked as a writer professionally, that “I find it amazing people actually get paid to write because we learn to do it when we’re 5 years old.” Yes, we also learn to color, but my skillset in that genre isn’t as advanced as say, ummm, Pablo Picasso so I let him get paid for it. I was once told that my grammer (her spelling, not mine) needed work. Here’s a little advice for you sweetheart, if you cannot spell grammar correctly, shut the fuck up about someone else’s grammar. Just a tip. Call it step 1 on your journey to surviving the zombie apocalypse. Good grammar might save you during the zombie apocalypse. Wouldn’t you rather face zombies with a gun than gum? Just saying.
So by all means, get up on your soapboxes and proclaim to the world your views. I just don’t want to see people climbing on top of their soupboxes and telling the world how we should react and behave. Seriously, is it too much to ask? While I’m all for “praying for there family’s” (again, stolen from a friend on Facebook – to which I replied, “I’m not religious and don’t pray, but I will keep THEIR FAMILIES in my thoughts”. I haven’t heard from said friend in a few weeks. Maybe that makes me an asshole. This kid (and she’s in her 30s and younger than I am so she’s a kid) was always leading the barrage of insults against writers getting paid to do something so simple. She’s an EMT. She helps saves lives. Utmost respect to her for that. I just don’t want her filling out a job application for me by the looks of it.
Somewhere between the first word and the last, their message of hope, despair, courage, lust, whatever, is lost on me because of the simple mistakes done to something so simple as writing. Oh well. I’ll just continue to ashamedly (supposedly) accept my monthly salary for doing something 5 year old me could have done. At least now I have a legitimate excuse when people call me immature.
And before I go, since this one is probably the most fitting for my situation, let us think about the ramifications of “Piece in the Middle East”. I’ve been here for 7 years, and for some of it, I’ve been looking for a piece in the Middle East. But that could get me arrested.