2 Weeks before Christmas …

With apologies to the original:


‘Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through my house

I’m vacuuming up cat hair and looking for a toy mouse

An old empty box sits in the corner for fun

Which becomes a cat chair, but only for one

No presents, no tree, no stocking will be hung

And outside my door, no carols are sung

But down at the malls, amid Christmas spending

The tinsel, trees and Christmas music is never ending

From Gucci and Fendi to the Gap and H&M

Gifts are being purchased, for her and for him

Big bags and boxes, some gift wrapped with care

Sadly, for me, none are labelled “for Ger!”

Santa’s grotto exists, his elves fully clad

Some fathers look unhappy, their children still glad

But the length of the line causes some folk to frown

But they remain calm, not like when Bieber came to town

Santa gives them a smile, with alarming white enamel

And tells them his sleigh is special, it is pulled by a camel

They laugh and they laugh and tell him their wishes

Dad wants a Ferrari, mum wants dad to do the dishes

“And all I want”, Billy says with a sneer

“Is to get a new homeroom teacher next year!”

And across the mall, at the ski hill with snow

People are huddled around screens where fake fires glow

Sipping coffee and tea, and hot chocolate with whipped cream

Thinking could this really be Christmas or is this just some dream

And they look to the hill where head-shaking king penguins do stroll

Unable to tell all the humans they’re from the opposite Pole

And people walk by wearing mittens fuzzy as peaches

While the smart people are still outside catching sun on the beaches

But there’s an event on the horizon of gigantic proportion

And I’ll probably go, even though the price is close to extortion

This weekend the Dubai Christmas Festival reappears

With Santa, and carolers, camel hotdogs, and beers

Booths are set up for businesses to wow and impress

With their fares and their wares and their whatnots I guess

The Christmas tree lit, the bulbs festively burn

All while the snow blowers’ engines do churn

And kids young old, boys and girls run about

For at closing time, everyone, even me, wears a pout

And now on to me, the man sharing his voice

I won’t be alone this Christmas, so please, please rejoice

My best friends in Dubai, friends I hold very dear

Will be joining me for Christmas brunch and good cheer

We will have turkey, all trimmings, and raise a glass of wine

We’ll laugh and be merry, and all will be fine

As for the presents not under my tree

It’s okay, relax, do not worry for me

Mum in her wisdom, sensed my financial disparity

But me being me, want to give it to Charity

But I’m miles away from a gentleman’s club by chance

So Charity won’t receive my money after a sultry lap dance

I’ll buy myself something, just as others have done

So on Christmas morning, I can awake to some fun

And even though on the day we will all be apart

Have a Merry Christmas from me, from all of my heart

7 thoughts on “2 Weeks before Christmas …

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