Maybe it is about time I did that blog on pet peeves now. Yes, I believe it is. So, without further ado, here are some things that really get on my wick. This post was written because I was asked this question by Natasha. Please check out here great blog here.
- When people leave the UAE and they leave their pets behind. Seriously, what is wrong with you? I absolutely hate this and sometimes wish the pets could leave and leave their owners alone and locked up in a building with no food and water. Or even worse, put them out on the street in the middle of the summer and forget about them as they jet off to somewhere else. I could never imagine leaving my cats here when I leave, whenever that is. Pets are not disposable!! Uggh that bugs me.
- People wearing sunglasses indoors. You do not look cool. You look like a fucktard of the highest order. Honestly, don’t walk around in your sexiest swagger or your coolest sway. There’s nothing cool about wearing sunglasses indoors. Nothing. And indoors at night? Wow, colour me seven shades of shit but I believe I have just witnessed the reason that humanity is doomed. Darwin has some awards you should seriously look into. Man alive!
- People on my quiz team who don’t show up and then claim we would have won had they been there. If my aunt had balls she’d be my uncle. Why don’t you show up and prove how smart you are then? Quit making excuses to not show up and grow a pair and come out and help us win. It’s one night a week. No training required. You didn’t even have to prove your worth to get on the team; much against my wishes I might add. Make a commitment and show up. Easy. Sorted. And if you don’t show up, don’t tell us we would have won if you were there. That’s not only bad form, but also wrong. I’ve won 7 different quizzes in Dubai, one by myself, so your absence is little more than an inconvenience to me. Sigh.
- People in public places who stand way too close. Usually this happens on the metro. And usually they have not bathed in a while. And usually I want to punch them in their faces but don’t because that would be wrong of me and my butt is way too perky to end up in prison. I’d probably be pretty damn popular.
- People who don’t bathe but decide that dousing themselves in awful cologne/perfume would be just as good as a regular shower. No, it is not. I’d rather smell the fart I deposited into a jar and sealed up when I was 13 than smell you. And cheap perfume/cologne is cheap for a reason. If your best friend’s dirtiest uncle would wear it you shouldn’t. Just some advice from over here.
- When the only fruit not on sale at the grocery store is the one I really want. Come on, man. You’ve put more than half the fruit and veggies on sale and you left raspberries off your list? I hope you get struck down by a giant turnip you parsnip smelling moron. But yeah, Brussel sprouts are half off! Winning.
- That guy who passes you on the highway and then slows down in front of you. It’s a good thing I’m a very patient individual because I would have been arrested by now if I wasn’t. You can go to jail for giving someone the finger here so you just have to smile and take it when asshats cut you off and then decide to drive 20 kilometres under the speed limit. I hope there is a special place for these people when they are no longer breathing. Perhaps it includes staring at pictures of dog poo all day long. And hopefully smelling it too.
- When I post a rare post about food and all of the vegetarian or vegan friends I have completely lose their shit and hurl nothing but abuse at me. I like meat. Deal with it. My liking meat will not cause the end of this planet tomorrow. Some orange skinned manchild is quite capable of doing that on his own. We all have choices and opinions. I respect yours, you respect mine.
- People who try to push their faith on me. Again, I respect your right to have faith – you respect mine to not have faith. And if you want to think less of me for not believing, so be it. I won’t think less of you for believing. I’ll probably think less of you for thinking less of me, but it has nothing to do with your faith.
- Writer’s block. Stupid writer’s block. I hope writer’s block gets a paper cut on its willy and then slips and falls in vinegar. Yeah, that is what I think.
- Lists are stupid. Like does anybody still use them?
- That one piece of food that just does not want to remove itself from your teeth even after water, brushing your teeth, oral surgery, and swapping your head for that of Ryan Reynolds. With me it’s usually popcorn. And I can’t go to the cinema and not get popcorn. Not sure if that is a pet peeve or just the best way to make a cinema experience awesome.
- When I want to be funny and try too hard to be funny and end up being stupid instead. That happens a lot.
- Nigerian money emails that don’t respond to my emails back to them. They say for a small fee they’ll deposit millions in my account. I email them back and say that why don’t they just keep $100,000 and send me a cheque. Nothing. Never any responses. I’m starting to think there is no money in the first place.
- When you buy a box of six ice cream sandwiches and you get it home and discover that only five ice cream sandwiches were put in the box. Worst feeling ever. EVER.